Kalen Nicole

What a month, what a year, what a life.

It bears repeating, that 2020 was one for the record books. My deepest sympathies, condolences and love are with all who experienced loss.

And I share all of my love and encouragement with all folks as we enter into a new year.

January is oft a time of reflection and resolution. And as I would say in a research paper:

January the pinnacle of praxis.

Praxis: theory/experience or knowledge in action.

I’ve been thinking a lot, but I haven’t been reflecting or interrogating my thoughts as much. As a Virgo and an only-child, I always strategize before I execute, but my thorough assumptions often reduce the depth of my experiences. Therefore, I’m victim to a lot of pseudo-experiences, experiences that I experience vicariously through a screen or conversation, ie. watching someone on IG paint their kitchen, clean their closet, workout.

With such a year filled with unprecedence on a global scale and on a personal scale, I have had a lot to process. I have consumed information, news, ideas, podcasts, and Netflix like never before, but I have not stopped to consider how the callosal size of my consumption has eroded my reflex to critique, interrogate, assess, and process how what I’ve been consuming fits into my personal schemata.

Long-story short- I’ve sometimes to conflated popular theories with my opinions (oops), and I’ve made a practice of looking for inspo more than creating meaning.

Slaughterhouse-Five is one of my favorite books. I love how Kurt Vonnegut uses transcendentalism to critique human vices such as selfishness, greed, apathy. and worry. The novel has a religious motif, as it urges readers to rid themselves of senseless worry and to trust the timing of their lives.

An excerpt reads, “Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.”― Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five.

This is how I have been trying to grasp onto adulthood, my identity, my style, my likes, and dreams. I have been faultily trying to construct my life’s direction and timing based on socially-approved standards (oops). And this year has made me more aware that a lot of these standards are malarkey. Many ideas of a full-life, a productive day, a successful career, a beautiful appearance, a lovely home, (and honestly many self-care ideas) are based in overconsumption and a deep seeded need to maintain capitalism. Many of these standards equate overconsumption and the ability to consume with success, prosperity, and deservingness to enjoy life.

Talking through my own relationship with overconsumption will take another blog post another day. Today- I’m writing about my thoughts, and I’m thinking about my writing. I would like to become a better writer, I would like to become a apt and Avant Garde with my writing; more concise, expressive, bold, honest, reflective. I would like to write things that have meaning for myself and for others.

My journalism teacher said, “To write clearly, is to think clearly.” And as of late, my thoughts could use a little sharpening! I’m not only interested in bettering my writing, but bettering the things that I consume, and bettering the things that I put into the world.

How am I using what I have to give? How am supporting the stories of marginalized groups? How am I helping others feel seen and included? What am I learning- What am I teaching? What am I tolerating? What can I tolerate no longer? Who am I- Who shall I become?

I am deeply aware of what is most important to me, and I hope I can channel that energy, that love for people, that desire to learn and contribute into action, into writing, into sharing, into growing.

Vincent Van Gogh had this on the nose quote I read recently that sums up desire to “Dare Greatly.”

“Many people seem to think it foolish, even superstitious, to believe that the world could still change for the better. And it is true that in winter it is sometimes so bitingly cold that one is tempted to say, ‘What do I care if there is a summer; its warmth is no help to me now.’ Yes, evil often seems to surpass good. But then, in spite of us, and without our permission, there comes at last an end to the bitter frosts. One morning the wind turns, and there is a thaw. And so I must still have hope.”

The thaw has begun. Happy New Year!

Let me know your hopes for the New Year, thoughts on Slaughterhouse-Five, social media or anything else below!