I’ve been spending more time reflecting, learning, observing and questions all I’ve grown accustomed to regarding society, interpersonal relationships and capitalism/ our socialized duty to ensure all our behaviors work to maintain our consumerist society…

Meanwhile, I’ve also noticed my aptitude to “lol” after opening a DM on Twitter with some pic, story or comment from a friend 600 miles away. I am more likely to share a laugh with those virtually present in my DMs than those physically right next to me. This is not super shocking because my social media sisters are people I have formed 3-20 year relationships with and who have grown up with me and share my sense of humor, and those physically close to me, I’ve known for less than three weeks.

I love laughing, but using “lol” to convey my amusement seems isolating and sometimes pointless. Social media gives me a sense of closeness to the my family and like-family counterparts who have become nine hours away in the span of weeks.

I Face Time my parents 2-3 times a week (I’m an only child). My days are filled with a comedic self-authored monologue transcribed via Twitter messages, as I exaggerate even the most minute events of my day to my cousins and friends. I check our group Twitter DM for the latest pop culture foolishness or commentary every 2-3 hours, and check Face Book a healthy three times per day (give or take). So I’m in the virtual presence of my loved ones in dialogue and DMs, but I’m not really “sharing with anyone.” “Sharing” as in: laughs, meaningful stories, hugs (pls don’t hug me if you see me), or controversial conversations- because I haven’t formed  relationships yet that allow room for shared interests to become bonds, mutually allowing for the other to discover right vs. wrong.

Many might argue that I need to make myself “vulnerable.” I honestly believe the term vulnerability is a trigger word used to promote self-help books, boost company retreats and provide an instantaneous illusion of community. I’m sure vulnerability has it’s place and purpose, but I don’t believe it is the first step in any meaningful relationship.

Vulnerability without security is disappointment at best and disaster at worst. For sports fans, it’s good for those on your team to know your weak spots so they can make sure you’re covered during a game, but if the opposing team knows your short comings, they’ll use them against you for their own advantage.

I believe the word we have mistakenly substituted vulnerability for is: HONESTY.

1. the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness.
2. truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.

Being vulnerable doesn’t equate with being honest. Being vulnerable means you are open to attack, but doesn’t mean you are being truthful. Honesty conveys truthfulness, wholesomeness, trust, sincerity, kinsmen ship. Honesty is foundational to any successful relationship, spiritually, romantically, a friendship, and most importantly with oneself.

The people closest to me, are people I trust. Who I am completely myself with. They have seen me at all points during my growth and have supported me all the way. They provide a sense of comfort that is irreplaceable to me.

“They help me become who I want to be, because they show me who I am.”

Being with people you trust is like looking in a mirror. They help you develop character, showing you when you’re right or wrong, when it’s time to be serious or laugh, when to work hard and when to celebrate your victories. They assure you of your existence and that you are proactively participating in the human existence, and that you are indeed an autonomous person and not just a being who conforms to the impulses and preferences of those in the vicinity.

Being around humans makes you more human, and makes me believe that when I do “lol” it was in response to something that was actually funny, and not just an uncontrollable social expectation void of meaning.  I also learned about this concept of The Looking Glass Self in class last week, which backs up exactly what I’m saying!

“The concept of the looking–glass self describes the development of one’s self and of one’s identity through one’s interpersonal interactions within the context of society, (McIntyre via Wikipedia)”

Typing “lol” makes me feel like this:

 

And feeling like this makes me feel ironic. *cues Man Repeller Article that sums up the vagueness of my virtual existence: Millennial Survives Another Day of Nonstop Irony

I’m figuring it out though. Unpacking my thoughts about social media via social media is surprisingly very cleansing. I think it’s about doing what makes each of us feel happiest and most included and fulfilled and for me- that doesn’t come from the transcription of an acronym.

Best of love and may your day be filled with laughs, self-acceptance and the pursuit of happiness. 🙂